whats with all thse god damned back to school reminders everyfucking where? UH! cant escape it, at the grocery store all over the godamned TV even on the internets all over the godamned where. talk about irritating. Nobody needs a godamned reminder about going back to school. its an inevitable inescapable fact that the most of the normal pepole in try to keep out of their minds until the day it finaly comes. but NOOOOO. tese god damn advertisers got to shuv it all over in your face and ruin your last few days f freedom. what a god damn bummer man. what a bunch of dicks. I hate those people for ruining my weekend, my evenings, my days,...my life. :-( lol
speaking of annoying ads...I'm sick of bing shuving themselves in your godamn face everywhere too. I am now on an antibing crusade. I have vowed never to use bing. I will tell everyone I know (that is: nobody) to not use bing. I tired of thise damn thing all over the place. screw bing. I hate it when things get shoved in my face like that by these persistent advertisers. it's aggravating, annoying. most people I imagine just kind of mindlessly accept it as an fact of life. me? it grates on my nerves. buy buy buy buyb uby use use use use get get get get buy buy buy..ugh. its enuf to make me never want to set foot in a place of commerce again. It must be effective otherwise they wouldnt spend millions on advertising. Like I said, the only thing advertising does to me is turn me off from buying something. I have no problem with advertising...you got to get your product recognized SOMEHOW. but what gets to me is the incessant kind of advertising like the bing ads all over your ace and the vlassic ads that play one after the other at every commercial break. And usually these are also the most irritating ads, and not just because they're all over your face. they're usually annoying because they're loud and obnoxious and in your face. okay take the vlassic ad for example. that one isn't obnoxious and loud in the X-treme mountain dew kind of way. its quiet like some cat sitting on a window sill then some damn kid bites into a vlassic pickly or whatever and it makes this really loud crunch sound that blows your TV speakers out and then there's the loud fucking stock cat squeel. by the way. I dont know if i'm the only one who notices this but...I can pick out stock sounds on TV and even the movies. for example, the cat sound. pretty much anytime you har a cat squeel or...what the hell is that noise called? that "raar" sound. anyway pretty much anytime you hear that it's the same stock cat sound. same thing with anytime you hear polic radio chatter. it's the sam sound from COPS. if you haven't noticed it, pay attention next time there's some polic radio chatter going on. I mean you know...the "10-4 we got a 290 black male at the corner of blah blah". the walkie talkie chatter. chatter. I dont know how else to define it. lol. so anyway, thats kind of funny when youre watching some poice drama show and it's the same dispatcher lady on the police radio in the background as on COPS. when I say COPS, i'm talking about at the into and outro I think, they play that dispatcher polcie radio...lady. ah fuck you. if I have to explain this to you and you havent already noticed then either youre an idiot or I'm a pathetic nerd. lol. like who pays attention to that kind of detail? ME. anyway...what was I Saying? oh yeah, the irritating commercials. the cat sound. annoying. then right after that one they'll play the one with the lady drinking from a glass of water then the loud ass CRUNCH then the damn broad bumprs her fuggin teeth on the glass cuz shes startled by the sound. now what the fuck is that?! that doesnt make me want to eat a vlassic pickle. all I can think of is "what a dick. they lady bumps her teeth on the glass cuz some dick bites into a pickly and all that damn stork can say is ' oh sorry bout that mam. the kid cant help it, it's avlassic'." that's a shitty attitude to have! you're gonna turn that poor broads misfortune into a chance to sell pickles? fuck you. go deliver some babies...goddamn stork. wot a dick. needless to say: fuck vlassic. never buying any pickled products from them again. I never do anyway. what the hell is the difference between generic pickles and vlassic...OHHHHH. the CRUNCH. see? they got me. FUCK VLASSIC. i hate being manipulated. lol
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
ARt exhibition
I guess since I've been on vacation and I have lots of free time I've decided to try and keep an online journal again. Once the school year kicks in I will probably dump this like so many hot pockets. ? I guess I dont know why I feel like sharing my thoughts with the world. I seem to enjoy doing that, no matter how intimate the thoughts are. this is a better "venue" since no one reads this probably. I hope. ahh, s'not like I'm going to like before with my myspace journal where I REALLY laid it all out. that got me into lots of trouble. turns out when you share intimate thoughts about people you know...that isn't so well accepted with the other people. I dunno, I have a shitty sense of social protocal. I think its hereditary. because my mom does wacky shit that totally goes against social protocol. I can't think of an example offhand, but she does lots of wacky shit.
Speaking of social protocol, I felt like a real dick leaving the live drawing session on friday. And in fact I was really enjoying it. I didn't want to leave, I was having a good time. I was taking swigs from my whickey bottle which put me in an even better mood. I realized that it's good to get a little loose when you're doing artwork. My nerves get in the way a lot when I'm working. You're anxious about all the other things you need to be doing instead of sitting around drawing or painting.
Anyway I had these tickets to TOOL and I tried selling them on ebay and craigslist. no takers.
Speaking of social protocol, I felt like a real dick leaving the live drawing session on friday. And in fact I was really enjoying it. I didn't want to leave, I was having a good time. I was taking swigs from my whickey bottle which put me in an even better mood. I realized that it's good to get a little loose when you're doing artwork. My nerves get in the way a lot when I'm working. You're anxious about all the other things you need to be doing instead of sitting around drawing or painting.
Anyway I had these tickets to TOOL and I tried selling them on ebay and craigslist. no takers.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
summer time
It's been a very long time since i've "blogged". Ever since I started working full time I haven't had the time or the motivation to. Once you enter into real life with the rest of society, that is the 9-5 day daily grind, you sort of mellow out. after a day of dealing with whatever you deal with all day you just want to come home and kick off the shoes, turn on the tv and shut your brain off....relax in your comfy little home, away from the stress of the workday. let yourself be taken away, entertained by some garbage on TV or while away the hours until bedtime playing video games or surfing the internet. And suddendly you understand why people listen to soft rock and pop, and watch reality TV. You find yourself genuinely enjoying listening to the radio, and all the pleasant escapist songs, and you find yourself entertained by the mundane trivialities of someone elses life on some crumby reality TV show. All of the things you couldn't understand why other people liked it suddendly you get it. It's that after a hard days work you just want to sht your brain off...you dont want to be bothered by the problems of the world. You have your own problems and when you watch T you dont want to b edepressed or bored. for example I've ben watching the history channel a lot since I've been on vacation. I have the patience and the temperment for it. Before I wouldn't have the patience to sit througha boring informative show on a-10 warthog jets or play by play recital of world war 2 battles. After a hard days wwork you just want to shut the brain off and be entertained and numbed for a while until you have to head back out the next day to start it all over again. But when you got time off you dont mind being challenged because you got nothing else to do.
I remember listening to celine Dion on the rado and being sincerely soothed by the musc for the very first time. It was embarassing. I just didnt want to hear some arty mentaly demanding type of music to go racking my brain. I needed the quiet soothing voice of celine and the pleasant melodies. Well I can say I can truly understand escapism in music movies and all that. That's another thing. I wasn't interested in seeing documentaries or anything liike that. too heavy. dont want to be bothered by it.
Anyway I'm 30 now and I've had a great b-day week. Mariel threw me a nice little party with chocolate cake, sparkling candles and party favors. my favorite is of course the chinese finger trap. I had dinner at grady's bbq. Another thing I've gotten into since I started working. meat. I truly enjoy good bbqed meat. It's really those simple thing that make life enjoyable. if you can allow yourself to enjoy those simple pleasures life can be so enjoyable. I know there's all kinds of reason not to eat meat. The effects of cattle processing plants on the environment. not to mention the shitty way the animals are treated. the amountof resources used to gor wht grains that cattle eat. the amount of fuel and resources used to transport the meat from the farms to the table. the methane. but if you can ...somehow put that out of your mind for the momeent that you're enjoying your meal....Well you know all that wouldn't be so bad if people only indulged in meat consumption in moderation. Fuck we gotta get back to the humanity of eating. If we only ate food and animals that were raised within the vicinity of where we lived things wouldn't be so bad. A modest dairy an cattle farm near where you live probably wouldn't as much of a strain on the environment and resources as would a massive farm out in...up north somewhere. That's why I'm on with the whole "eat local" thing going ong nowadays. Things are really fucked. I've been complaining about this forever and I always will until the day I die. The way cities are built is totally fucked out. massive parking lots, roads to everywhere freeways, big ugly boxes filled with useless gadgets to complicate our lives. we need to simplify our lives. I'd really like to create an architectural...or a drawn out plan of what I think the ideal city would be. It would bee small pockets of communities, wither everything convenietly centrally located residential spaces with more shared space so there wouldnt be the need for roads everywher eyou could walk or ride your bike. the thing that makes places so far apart is partially because everything seems seperated by roads, lawns, parking lots. If we got rid of roads we could use the space more efficiently. how would we get around? that's the whole point! the only reason we need cars is because things are seperated by chasms of freeways and roads and parking lots.so if you took all that out things would be closer, smaller by design, and therefore you wouldn't be so damn chained to your car as a life support. you could walk and ride your bike around town. I like the old citys in mexico with a central plaza, shops line the outside of the plaza and residential space aboce the shops and on the outer lining. The places of industry etc on the outskirts. you hope on a bus or light rail system that takes you to work and back. I will build a utopia on paper. It sounds fascist but so id the way we live now, in debt to the bankers, an addict to the consumer culture...I myself have fallen victim. but I try to keep clean the best way I can...
I remember listening to celine Dion on the rado and being sincerely soothed by the musc for the very first time. It was embarassing. I just didnt want to hear some arty mentaly demanding type of music to go racking my brain. I needed the quiet soothing voice of celine and the pleasant melodies. Well I can say I can truly understand escapism in music movies and all that. That's another thing. I wasn't interested in seeing documentaries or anything liike that. too heavy. dont want to be bothered by it.
Anyway I'm 30 now and I've had a great b-day week. Mariel threw me a nice little party with chocolate cake, sparkling candles and party favors. my favorite is of course the chinese finger trap. I had dinner at grady's bbq. Another thing I've gotten into since I started working. meat. I truly enjoy good bbqed meat. It's really those simple thing that make life enjoyable. if you can allow yourself to enjoy those simple pleasures life can be so enjoyable. I know there's all kinds of reason not to eat meat. The effects of cattle processing plants on the environment. not to mention the shitty way the animals are treated. the amountof resources used to gor wht grains that cattle eat. the amount of fuel and resources used to transport the meat from the farms to the table. the methane. but if you can ...somehow put that out of your mind for the momeent that you're enjoying your meal....Well you know all that wouldn't be so bad if people only indulged in meat consumption in moderation. Fuck we gotta get back to the humanity of eating. If we only ate food and animals that were raised within the vicinity of where we lived things wouldn't be so bad. A modest dairy an cattle farm near where you live probably wouldn't as much of a strain on the environment and resources as would a massive farm out in...up north somewhere. That's why I'm on with the whole "eat local" thing going ong nowadays. Things are really fucked. I've been complaining about this forever and I always will until the day I die. The way cities are built is totally fucked out. massive parking lots, roads to everywhere freeways, big ugly boxes filled with useless gadgets to complicate our lives. we need to simplify our lives. I'd really like to create an architectural...or a drawn out plan of what I think the ideal city would be. It would bee small pockets of communities, wither everything convenietly centrally located residential spaces with more shared space so there wouldnt be the need for roads everywher eyou could walk or ride your bike. the thing that makes places so far apart is partially because everything seems seperated by roads, lawns, parking lots. If we got rid of roads we could use the space more efficiently. how would we get around? that's the whole point! the only reason we need cars is because things are seperated by chasms of freeways and roads and parking lots.so if you took all that out things would be closer, smaller by design, and therefore you wouldn't be so damn chained to your car as a life support. you could walk and ride your bike around town. I like the old citys in mexico with a central plaza, shops line the outside of the plaza and residential space aboce the shops and on the outer lining. The places of industry etc on the outskirts. you hope on a bus or light rail system that takes you to work and back. I will build a utopia on paper. It sounds fascist but so id the way we live now, in debt to the bankers, an addict to the consumer culture...I myself have fallen victim. but I try to keep clean the best way I can...
Thursday, November 8, 2007
get on the bus
Well once again, I'm here in the computer lab because I'm not in the mood for art crap. I'm really worried. I mean it's not like I haven't had these little dry spells before but this time I think it's for real. I think I'm totaly spent. oh well. Maybe I'll get into distributing wine and liquor or whatever it was. I called my mom to see how she was doing. She sounded alright I guess. I mean she still has this...un-mom way of talking...it's slow and deliberate, but at least she isn't saying anything weird enymore.I wonder if she still thinks weird things but she won't tell anyone because she knows it's werd and she doesn't want anyone to think she's wacky. I guess I shouldn't be talking about such a personal mater on the internet...especially when it involves someone else...but you know, it's all therpeautic and whatever. or however therpuetic is spelled.
but anyway I called and my brother said she was doing alright. Then when I was talking to him I heard her in the background going on about some wine distributing opportunity that her friend terry's husband can hook us up with. I dont even know the details. I dont even know what involved in that type of work. I mean...do you have to own your own fleet of trucks and a warehouse or...what? I'm ignorant about the business world. Anyway, I could pretty much do anything I wanted to. Seriously. I don't doubt my abilities at anything. I'm pretty versatile. except for when it comes to sports. I'm not very atheletic. even that I could be alright at if I worked out once in a while. but anyway, I really think I could do that. It would be a real job, something I dont think I've ever had. So I've been thinking about that lately. The whole point was that art doesn't provide me with any new challenges. and any new challenges dont even interest me that much because I dont see the benefit of getting into it. I'm getting more realistic these days, thinking about how I'm gonna make money. I know there's always that romantic crap art people talk about. But lets face it, I like money. I'm not materialistic but I'm a cancer, dont you know. I need a home. I've been craving ah ome base for quite a while. I don't usually have things I want or goals for myself but one thing I really want to work towards is getting a decent place to live with some nice studio space. Once I get that feeling of having a comfortable little home to work in...I think the art stuff will really start kicking. it's all about your frame of mind. Right now I feel too pressured to perform. Like I said, it's a personality thing. If you ever read about Cancers...I have most of those attributes. I'm not saying I buy the zodiac thing, just that most descriptions about cancers ring true for me. prolly just coincidence. but I also think they write those things so general that it could apply to anyone. The one I dont get is the chinese zodiac or whatever. Really? so everybody born in the year of the dog are...reclusive and temperamental? or whatever? so that means that every single person...no, I'm not buying it. old chinese crap that only exists on paper table mats at chinese restaurants enyway. I wonder if the chinese even use chopsticks enymore. haw haw! You know, fortune cookies aren't even a chinese thing, you know. that's an american invention. You go to china, they dont got no fortune cookies enywhere! they're like "what that?!"
so anyway, I tried riding the bus. What with the rediculous gas prices and all. I will not be a victim to the whims of big oil companies! I've got their number...and it's 666! sign of the beast! seriously, they're gonna come out with all these sleazy details about how these fucking old white sleaze bags fucked emerican over. and of course the president will somehow be tied into it all. Not by choice, just by default, because he doesn't have a clue what's going on either way. dumb ass. that doesn't make eny sense to you, but it does to me. anyway, I tried this bus thing out...I had to go through two transfers. three buses total. One takes me down blanco to northcross mall. then I catch another one to 410 and 10. park and ride. then that one takes me to school. every went smoothly for the most part. I was a little nervous about missing my bus or getting on the wrong one or some other crazy shit that's bound to happen to any first time bus rider. hell, anybody who rides the bus, period. So I just thought, "well it's going to happen either way, I can't change that. SOMETHING is going to go wrong. i'll just accept my fate." Well the thrid bus driver gave me crap about buying a transfer slip. it's like 7 cents and he gave me this look like "what the hell'd'you do that for? So he's like "hey, next time don't buy this. just show em your school ID." I thought "so I ride the bus for free with my ID or I get to transfer without paying the 7cents with my ID?" enyway, I just said okay and sat down because I dont like being the spectacle in a situation like that where everyone's waiting to get going, meanwhile the bus driver is schooling me on bus rider etiquete. So whatever. I got to school eventualy. It took like an hour. it usualy takes like 15 minutes. but whetever, I saved the environment and gas and all that crap. Now the ride BACK was a different story. got my first bus arlight, no big deal. The second bus driver was this somewhat attractive black woman. I don't know why people feel the need to point it out when a black woman is attractive. that's another one of those p.c. things. It's not just yeah it was this lady driving the bus. I mean if it was some white MAN, you wouldn't have thought twice. but it was a woman, 1, and 2, she was black. and 3 she was kind of pretty. but if it was any other race you wouldn't have made it a point to say that she is attractive. oh she's an ATTRACTIVE black woman. that lets you know that I have no prejudice and that black woman can be just as beautful as any other woman. Whatever, you prolly dont get my point here, but again, it does't matter because I know what I'm trying to say. ENWAY, people always say crap like "it was an ATTRACTIVE BLACK woman...who was____". Well she seemed cool anyway, especially since she left the bus for a while to talk to some other dude. I didn't get a transcript from the first driver because that other driver gave me crap about it. so I planned on just showing my ID (you know to save 7 cents) and if that didn't work I'd just pay for another ride. Well the driver didnt even care about me getting on while she went off to talk to her friend. Suddendly while we're driving she starts giving me crap about "did have a boarding pass?" I was like "no, I have a student ID.......I transfered...from the UTSA bus...." So she's like "lemme see your ID...no, that's not the right one. you need to have a sticker on it to use it. You need to pay the 80 cents fare to ride the bus" ??? whatever the hell. I dont think she knew what she was talking about. so I was like, okay whatever. I'll just pay the 80 cents fare. But I thought "no, I get a student discount. 40 cetns for students." so when she stopped at one of the stops I went up to pay my fare. I says "can I get the student discount?" "Well...I'll let you go this time but you need the sticker on your pass"? what the fuck. I'm not even talking about a pass. I want the student discount. anyway, some hispanic got on and asked for a transfer slip. So I decided to get a transfer slip too since, you know, the ID thing didn't quite work out. And she's like "I already gave you a transfer." NO. that was the other mexican guy. I swear. Now I don't feel bad about thinking all black people look alike. There's this study about how every race thinks other races look alike except their own. within one's own race, one can distinguish differences between other members of the race. but everyone else just looks the same. it's so true. Hell, I even think hispanics all look alike. I think people look at me and except to hear an accent when I talk or for me to talk spanish or...to...whatever. anyway, if you're still reading this, thanks. I would have been bored a long time ago. anyway, I'm not done with my bus story. So I keep looking for my stop...where I should get off because I'm getting the feeling it wont be a major stop. It'll be one of these out of the way, unmarked stops that the VIA computer knows about, but the drivers dont because it's not part of their routine. VIA has this thing by the way where you get online to their website and tell it where you're leaving from and where you want to go and it'll map out the route you should take and what buses to get, stops to get off at etc. It's really a great idea...in theory. Anyway, sure enough I noticed my stop and it was in front of thise church in some random neighborhood without any lights anywhere except for one street lamp, some faint church lights and the stop light further up the road. I'm thinking "i'm really in for an adventure here." and I like adventures so no big deal, I like this kind of stuff. I was in castle hills anyway which is near my apartments and is kind a rich palce anyway. It would have been a different story if it was in a bad part of town. So I guess it wasn't really that much of an adventure. anyway I right the bell and the drivers like "you gettin off here? I dont think this bus runs at this time. you shoulda gotten off...lemme see. where you going?" So I tell her i'm trying to catch the 620 or whatever it was and she like "I dont think that bus is running right now..." "okay well I'll try it" " okay you can try it but...ok". I mean, at this point I dont really trust that she knows what the hell is going on because she didn't even know that I get a discount with my ID...AND she didn't know about the unspoken show your ID and transfer for free policy...giving me crap...So whatever. Well of course the place where I was supposed to catch the next bus was totally fuckin' hidden and out of the way. I thought no way in hell the godamn bus driver is gonna see me standing here at night with no lights anyway. It was...jeezis, I was barely even a stop. It was just this sign stuck in the ground on the side of the road. there wasn't even any sidewalk around here. But it was at the corner of where the bus was supposed to turn. So I thought, "okay I'll wait here and hopefuly the bus will get here at a red light and he'll see me and if not I'll go and fucking bang on the door so he'll let me in. Then i'll give him crap about "what if the light was green and you didn't see me and kept going because it's not in your routine to check for people here but it's still a stop so you should at least slow down and look to see if by chance there is anyone standing there in the darkness...you know, just in case." So anyway, the bus missed me and it was the last one for the night so I just walked for about 45 minutes to get home. Some black guy near the HEB started yelling at me and that kind of scared me. I have to be honest, sometimes black people frighten me. I mean, shit, isn't it that the biggest percentage of inmates are black? besdies, this guy looked like he was homeless and who knows what homeless people with 40's in brown bags are capable of. Anyway he kept trying to get my attention and each time he'd yell "hey man!" It would get angrier. So I finally turned around to see what he wanted from me so that he woudn't get all fuggin angry at me and attack me or anything. Anyway, he just wanted to know what time it was. yeah right, by this time I was halfway down the block. I bet he wanted to drink with me or to have a light or cig or something. I think he just wanted to talk. What the hell does he care what time it is? He's walking home from HEB with a 40 in his hand, I'm so sure time is his number one priority right now. anyway, I'm not riding the bus when it's dark anymore
but anyway I called and my brother said she was doing alright. Then when I was talking to him I heard her in the background going on about some wine distributing opportunity that her friend terry's husband can hook us up with. I dont even know the details. I dont even know what involved in that type of work. I mean...do you have to own your own fleet of trucks and a warehouse or...what? I'm ignorant about the business world. Anyway, I could pretty much do anything I wanted to. Seriously. I don't doubt my abilities at anything. I'm pretty versatile. except for when it comes to sports. I'm not very atheletic. even that I could be alright at if I worked out once in a while. but anyway, I really think I could do that. It would be a real job, something I dont think I've ever had. So I've been thinking about that lately. The whole point was that art doesn't provide me with any new challenges. and any new challenges dont even interest me that much because I dont see the benefit of getting into it. I'm getting more realistic these days, thinking about how I'm gonna make money. I know there's always that romantic crap art people talk about. But lets face it, I like money. I'm not materialistic but I'm a cancer, dont you know. I need a home. I've been craving ah ome base for quite a while. I don't usually have things I want or goals for myself but one thing I really want to work towards is getting a decent place to live with some nice studio space. Once I get that feeling of having a comfortable little home to work in...I think the art stuff will really start kicking. it's all about your frame of mind. Right now I feel too pressured to perform. Like I said, it's a personality thing. If you ever read about Cancers...I have most of those attributes. I'm not saying I buy the zodiac thing, just that most descriptions about cancers ring true for me. prolly just coincidence. but I also think they write those things so general that it could apply to anyone. The one I dont get is the chinese zodiac or whatever. Really? so everybody born in the year of the dog are...reclusive and temperamental? or whatever? so that means that every single person...no, I'm not buying it. old chinese crap that only exists on paper table mats at chinese restaurants enyway. I wonder if the chinese even use chopsticks enymore. haw haw! You know, fortune cookies aren't even a chinese thing, you know. that's an american invention. You go to china, they dont got no fortune cookies enywhere! they're like "what that?!"
so anyway, I tried riding the bus. What with the rediculous gas prices and all. I will not be a victim to the whims of big oil companies! I've got their number...and it's 666! sign of the beast! seriously, they're gonna come out with all these sleazy details about how these fucking old white sleaze bags fucked emerican over. and of course the president will somehow be tied into it all. Not by choice, just by default, because he doesn't have a clue what's going on either way. dumb ass. that doesn't make eny sense to you, but it does to me. anyway, I tried this bus thing out...I had to go through two transfers. three buses total. One takes me down blanco to northcross mall. then I catch another one to 410 and 10. park and ride. then that one takes me to school. every went smoothly for the most part. I was a little nervous about missing my bus or getting on the wrong one or some other crazy shit that's bound to happen to any first time bus rider. hell, anybody who rides the bus, period. So I just thought, "well it's going to happen either way, I can't change that. SOMETHING is going to go wrong. i'll just accept my fate." Well the thrid bus driver gave me crap about buying a transfer slip. it's like 7 cents and he gave me this look like "what the hell'd'you do that for? So he's like "hey, next time don't buy this. just show em your school ID." I thought "so I ride the bus for free with my ID or I get to transfer without paying the 7cents with my ID?" enyway, I just said okay and sat down because I dont like being the spectacle in a situation like that where everyone's waiting to get going, meanwhile the bus driver is schooling me on bus rider etiquete. So whatever. I got to school eventualy. It took like an hour. it usualy takes like 15 minutes. but whetever, I saved the environment and gas and all that crap. Now the ride BACK was a different story. got my first bus arlight, no big deal. The second bus driver was this somewhat attractive black woman. I don't know why people feel the need to point it out when a black woman is attractive. that's another one of those p.c. things. It's not just yeah it was this lady driving the bus. I mean if it was some white MAN, you wouldn't have thought twice. but it was a woman, 1, and 2, she was black. and 3 she was kind of pretty. but if it was any other race you wouldn't have made it a point to say that she is attractive. oh she's an ATTRACTIVE black woman. that lets you know that I have no prejudice and that black woman can be just as beautful as any other woman. Whatever, you prolly dont get my point here, but again, it does't matter because I know what I'm trying to say. ENWAY, people always say crap like "it was an ATTRACTIVE BLACK woman...who was____". Well she seemed cool anyway, especially since she left the bus for a while to talk to some other dude. I didn't get a transcript from the first driver because that other driver gave me crap about it. so I planned on just showing my ID (you know to save 7 cents) and if that didn't work I'd just pay for another ride. Well the driver didnt even care about me getting on while she went off to talk to her friend. Suddendly while we're driving she starts giving me crap about "did have a boarding pass?" I was like "no, I have a student ID.......I transfered...from the UTSA bus...." So she's like "lemme see your ID...no, that's not the right one. you need to have a sticker on it to use it. You need to pay the 80 cents fare to ride the bus" ??? whatever the hell. I dont think she knew what she was talking about. so I was like, okay whatever. I'll just pay the 80 cents fare. But I thought "no, I get a student discount. 40 cetns for students." so when she stopped at one of the stops I went up to pay my fare. I says "can I get the student discount?" "Well...I'll let you go this time but you need the sticker on your pass"? what the fuck. I'm not even talking about a pass. I want the student discount. anyway, some hispanic got on and asked for a transfer slip. So I decided to get a transfer slip too since, you know, the ID thing didn't quite work out. And she's like "I already gave you a transfer." NO. that was the other mexican guy. I swear. Now I don't feel bad about thinking all black people look alike. There's this study about how every race thinks other races look alike except their own. within one's own race, one can distinguish differences between other members of the race. but everyone else just looks the same. it's so true. Hell, I even think hispanics all look alike. I think people look at me and except to hear an accent when I talk or for me to talk spanish or...to...whatever. anyway, if you're still reading this, thanks. I would have been bored a long time ago. anyway, I'm not done with my bus story. So I keep looking for my stop...where I should get off because I'm getting the feeling it wont be a major stop. It'll be one of these out of the way, unmarked stops that the VIA computer knows about, but the drivers dont because it's not part of their routine. VIA has this thing by the way where you get online to their website and tell it where you're leaving from and where you want to go and it'll map out the route you should take and what buses to get, stops to get off at etc. It's really a great idea...in theory. Anyway, sure enough I noticed my stop and it was in front of thise church in some random neighborhood without any lights anywhere except for one street lamp, some faint church lights and the stop light further up the road. I'm thinking "i'm really in for an adventure here." and I like adventures so no big deal, I like this kind of stuff. I was in castle hills anyway which is near my apartments and is kind a rich palce anyway. It would have been a different story if it was in a bad part of town. So I guess it wasn't really that much of an adventure. anyway I right the bell and the drivers like "you gettin off here? I dont think this bus runs at this time. you shoulda gotten off...lemme see. where you going?" So I tell her i'm trying to catch the 620 or whatever it was and she like "I dont think that bus is running right now..." "okay well I'll try it" " okay you can try it but...ok". I mean, at this point I dont really trust that she knows what the hell is going on because she didn't even know that I get a discount with my ID...AND she didn't know about the unspoken show your ID and transfer for free policy...giving me crap...So whatever. Well of course the place where I was supposed to catch the next bus was totally fuckin' hidden and out of the way. I thought no way in hell the godamn bus driver is gonna see me standing here at night with no lights anyway. It was...jeezis, I was barely even a stop. It was just this sign stuck in the ground on the side of the road. there wasn't even any sidewalk around here. But it was at the corner of where the bus was supposed to turn. So I thought, "okay I'll wait here and hopefuly the bus will get here at a red light and he'll see me and if not I'll go and fucking bang on the door so he'll let me in. Then i'll give him crap about "what if the light was green and you didn't see me and kept going because it's not in your routine to check for people here but it's still a stop so you should at least slow down and look to see if by chance there is anyone standing there in the darkness...you know, just in case." So anyway, the bus missed me and it was the last one for the night so I just walked for about 45 minutes to get home. Some black guy near the HEB started yelling at me and that kind of scared me. I have to be honest, sometimes black people frighten me. I mean, shit, isn't it that the biggest percentage of inmates are black? besdies, this guy looked like he was homeless and who knows what homeless people with 40's in brown bags are capable of. Anyway he kept trying to get my attention and each time he'd yell "hey man!" It would get angrier. So I finally turned around to see what he wanted from me so that he woudn't get all fuggin angry at me and attack me or anything. Anyway, he just wanted to know what time it was. yeah right, by this time I was halfway down the block. I bet he wanted to drink with me or to have a light or cig or something. I think he just wanted to talk. What the hell does he care what time it is? He's walking home from HEB with a 40 in his hand, I'm so sure time is his number one priority right now. anyway, I'm not riding the bus when it's dark anymore
golden corral is heaven
Well the semester is almost over and I'm really looking forward to getting it over with. Even though it's relly been over for me for the past few weeks since I haven't really done anything. I'm still working on that monster drawing...no the drawing is not of a monster but it's all big so I call it that monster drawing. I should call it the monster ass drawing. I've been working ion that piece of crap for like a year and I'm finally.starting to pull it together. I think. I always think that then I realize it's really gonna take another few more months to really get it together. piece of crap. I hate that thing so much. I just hope it'll all be worth i when it's done. even if it still looks "lackluster" when it's done at least I can be satisfied in the idea of having spent a year working on something and finishing it. I dont know why but that'll make it worth it to me. to have finished it even if in the end it's kind of crappy. it's like that colored pencil drawing. It didnt end up being what I envisioned but it felt good just to call it done, after all the work. So in the meantime I've been working on smaller drawings to get the satisfaction of completing something. that's really the best part of the whole art crap thing. it's being done with something and being able to relax and enjoy it. even if you dont like it completely, I still can enjoi it for having made something. the making of it sucks and its a lotta work. besides, when you get a lot of not that good drawings and put them together..together they are more pleasing. because it's a collection of work ..i mean work as in labor. I dont even know what my point is. I started off drawing the big drawing with nice little lines. and it was taking me forever to get anything done. I'd spend hours on just one figure or object to make it so beautiful and to have every line be full of intent and impact. but for a drawing that's like 5 feet long and three feet high, it just wont work out. unless I want to spend the rest of my life with this drawing. and it's a stupid drawing anyway. i guess all of my drawings are pretty stupid though. so now I'm just slapping tone on it...I'm paying more attention to it's impact from further away. before I was drawing it being too close to it. so it looked good when I was right up to it. but when I stepped back it was nothing. literaly. so it's NOW a year later that I finaly realized that something that big, it needs to have impact from far. I also thought about the idea of DEMANDING the viewer to approach it. to really come up and investigate it. that's what I like about making those delicate lines. it makes it so that it draws you in and really only has impact when youre phsyicaly close to it and when you take time to really look at it. so that it's not a logo or a graphic, it's drawing, you know. but I think I'l save that for the smaller drawings. little precious things. and use the graphic stylings for a bigger impact for large scale stuff. I mean maybe I should have just thought bigger in the beginning. I mean the scale of things. they're all these little things everywhere. since it's a big piece of paper maybe I shoulda just drawn everything bigger. that would have made more sense. but again, I like the idea of there being a sprawling environment to really explore. so where you'd have to get involved and jump in to look around. you couldn't just walk past and get it. you'd have to stop and all that arty crap. but the bad thing with that is that you have to explain that to people. you have to say "hey, I know it looks sort of crappy but it's because you have to get up close and admire all the little lines I made." yeah but who cares anyway. maybe that's too conceptual. I should just make god looking art crap andleave the conceptual crap to artists. I've always been more attracted to the graphic designerly side of art anyway. I guess I've never really liked art. I mean I lkie it, some of it. but i've never been one of these people that knows about artists and movments. I just know what I like. who cares about all these old white art fags. what the hell do they know about life anyway, born witha silver spoon up their asses talkinga buncha intellectual garbage that's meaningless to the rest of us anyway. I dont understand it when any of my my peers talk about these old white guys. who the fuck cares about what the hell some asshole said about his crappy art back in the 60's? gawd. its like jeezischris man, pull your head out of your ass and look around. there's more to life, AND ART at that, than art and what you learned in your boring art history class. This is what I was talking about in the grad sem class. why are we as art students so fucking dedicated to this whole idea of art? whats with the obsession to follow in that...lineage. to have to slavishly adhere to what art history teachers decided was important enough to be regarded as "art" and to have "aritsts" know about it. MTV and peoples court is as informative to me as an artist as any old dead white guy. and all the art teachers with their idiotic references. "yeah you shoudl look at so and so" it's like who the fuck is that, and if hes so important why havent i already heard of him. and besides its always some..again some old white guy who has nothing in common with your work save for a few random visual parallels. oh he uses this pseudo cartoon style...YEAH and ye sucke at it and I'm sure he didn't even know who his references were. he just drew shitty drawings and everyone's calling them cartoons now because anything that doesnt look like fine art drawings are cartoon drawings. well cartoons aren't crappy naive or intentionaly child like drawings, okay? and speaking of, I hate all these assholes who are appropriating the whole cartoon aesthetic and "referencing" it without actually making cartoons. like that arturo herera guy. so he fucking stole disney-esque drawings and make shitty line wal drawing with them. actualy they are quite nice. but if you're going to referene cartoons or comic sthen draw fucking cartoons and comics okay? all these assholes jumping on the bandwagon without understanding the history of cartooning. appropriating assholes. I'm sick of it. no more shitty abstract drawings/painting that vaguely reference cartoon and comic book imagry, okay? it's like...okay andy warhol did it right. he took the source..the can or whatever consumer item and that was the art. that's art. that I'm convinced is art. abtract crap made of soup cans is just that...abstract crap. it's totally missing the point. it's totally bastardizing the srouce whic was the source of inspiration which is wy it should be respected and revered. trying to make something better of something that already makes sense and works for it's own reasons. okay, it's like the bbq pizza at cici's. taking something that's already good for it's own reason and trying to make it somthing it isn't. it just doesnt work. exept..the bbq pizza aint half bad. okay, it's like the taco pizza. what the fuck? the taco is already good. no need to alter the taco. but no, some arrogant asshole decided the taco on it's own just wasn't good enough. he had to go and make a pizza out of it and piss me off meanwhile making a shitty pizza that doesn't make any sense. Mariel and I had a hamburger pizza at pizza inn in san marcos. the weird thing was that it really tasted like a hamburger it was very ERY disturbing to us both. it was like "well it doesnt TASTE bad..so are we supposed to be able to enjoi this or..???" it was totally fucking confusing. I couldn't decide if I wanted to continue eating the hamburger pizza because like I said it tasted like a hamburger and it tasted like a good hambruger...except it was a pizza. and like I said, that was confusing to me and it preventing me from enjoying the hamburger pizza. yeah this thing had pickels and what tasted like mustard on it. THOSE are my favorite hamburger toppings! it was raelly quite amazing., that hamburger pizza. I kept wanting to go back and to try to get to like the hamburger pizza...to understand it. speaking of food, we also went to golden corral this morning. we have been talking about going, obsessing over it but never having the..or always having enough self dignity to not go there. but this morning....all pretense was gone and our dignity, along with self respect went out the window. and so we had breakfast there. I was in the mood for pancackes anyway. but of course it turned out to be one of those "quantity over wuality" type of things. In the end I would have preferred quality since I haven't been in the mood for a lot of food lately. sometimes I get in the mood for a buffet. I just want to eat a bunch of shit. literaly. shit. I like eating shit. no, but the food, all of it was really crappy. I mean it was...alright but relatively crappy. and even the quantity of it which might have balanced out the crap part didn't appeal to me. anyway, I'm hungry again. The thing I love the most about buffets, the thing that raelly makes it all worth it is the clientele. always these poor, lower middle class types with dirty children running around. I LOVE the white trash couple you always see with the dirty kids. it's a great opportunity to do some people watching. I have a technique down for buffets. I dont drink anything till I'm done eating. It takes up precious buffet food space. and I always like to leave some room for desert. that's my favorite part of the buffet. al the cookies and soft serve. I have a sweet tooth. I think I might end up with diabetes someday. well anyawy this is why the people go around constantly refilling your drink. ever notice that? always eager to give you refills? it's so you get full on drink and so you dont have room for food. anyway, like I said, I'm hungry. bye.
boring people unite
lets write a blog, who cares what the hell for. bap beeedie bap baww wiky wiky whhhuuut. *folds arms across chest and leans back* ...*stares sullenly at empty spot at bar beside him*.....*grins slyly and pulls out sword then swings it to chop off bartenders head.*...*guzzles whiskey then slams tumbler on bar shattering it to pieces in hand. hand is bloody*.....haw haw haw! I 'memer when I used to go into chat rooms, the role playing ones and write stupid annoying crap that made fun of all the real role playing nerds. Then they'd get all mad at me and get out of character but I'd stay in character and talk about chopping their heads off or stabbing them then they'd get angry and say that I could kill them because they were already dead. As in their characters were living dead. Or they had a force field around them. That was very entertaining to me. The last time I went into a chat room I was utterly disapointed. No one was chatting, it was just porno ads. every once in a while someone would say something but it wasn't anything entertaining or anything to make fun of. just teenagers, and they dont even get most of my jokes because theyre dumb. it really sucked. My fingers smell like hamburger. I haven't even eaten hamburger today. I ate tacos at chipotle. It was a strange experience because all of the the servers were lesbians. NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I like how you have to go back and qualify those kind of statements. No no, not that there's anything WRONG with lesbians. I mean I'm not a lesbo hater or anything. haha. But anyway, yeah it was all lesbos behind the counter. And I know this because they were very obviously lesbo. They were girls that...well they just looked lesbo okay? dont give me that p.c. crap. you know what a lesbo looks like. just like you know it when someone is...anything...just by lookig at em. I dunno. there's just signifiers. I hate when people talk in the computer lab. I can't hear myself think. Dont they understnad the signifiance of this? hi Mar. so anyway, yeah, the tortilla lady was this Big ol dyke. very obvious. she passes the tacos along and it's a more k.d. lan- ish lesbo putting the salsa on. spikey hair an' all. then the cashier was this...uhm...the boyish lesbo. the more athletic type. like the one at my apartments. These types remind me of prepubescent boys. that's been my favorite word lately, dont know why. everything is prepubescent all of a sudden. "yeah this drawing is somewhat prepubescent.". no just kidding. so ...well anyway I just thought that chipotle lesbo thing was kind of interesting. I thought that maybe the owner is gay and she hires only other gays. or mabe it's a gay dude who only hires dykes so he wont be attracted to them. you know, like discover he's attracted to girls making burritos. it's a very erotic process,you know. no just kidding. I really took a day off today. took it easy. I went to herwicks, which i love. they have so much good stuff there. It's like everythig you ever wanted to make art crap. I almost bought a screen for screen printing but I realy dont even know how to screen print that well. I mean I could definitely learn. and I sould have bought it so I would have to learn how to use it. I did some screen printing at SWT but not much. enyway, I just bought this frisket stuff and...some matte medium. I relaly think I need to move more in the real of graphics and printmaking. I dont have the patience for this painting stuff. when I finaly got to the studio, I didn't even work. we had a seminar class that normaly I dont feel like gong to but this time I wanted to. mostly because It would give me a reson fr not drawing, which I didn't erlaly feel like doing. especially after I tried that frisket stuff and realized how it wouldn't be much of a time saver. And it didn't even work fantasticaly or anything.it worked alrigh though. Well I finally kind of spoke up in class a little. I normaly dont because when I do I'm just complainy and angry. I think it's a little offputting, even for me. I just find things to pick on then I complain about them and I get the feeling I just annoy everyone who might be paying attention in he first place. It's also hard for me to make sense sometimes. but today I was feeling confident enough in my speaking skills (what little f them I have) to go ahead and pipe up. Well I didn't annoy myself as much as I usually do so it was alright. I'm just glad thta that yenta isn't around to annoy the fuck out of me. jesus, I dont know how I'm going to get through tomorrows critiques without wanting to reach over and strangle her or punch her in the face. Seriously, I'm gonna pipe up if she starts talkin a bunch of shit. it's totally ...it's just it gets in the way of the whole process. it's not even helpful past a cetian point. And binks reall loves talking too. So if he starts going on about crap I might say something too. I'm feeling a little bit more like piping up about these things now since I wont be here for very much longer. Now is the time to relaly let loose. nah...I better not. I should try to leave on good terms. I already get the feeling people think bad of me. I mean...I guess I dont care but I'm saying that to myself to not admit that I'm not liked. ha ha. no, i'm alright. anyway, I started writing this because I was bored and there was't enogh time to draw from then until now, when I have class. HA...let's see how long this guy can put up with this one. ay yai yai. she's so funny. I guess they both seem to be somewhat similar in personalities. so whatever. listen to me, all chismoso.
real weirdos
Well today has been a pretty good day. The weather is spectacular and I gotta say I'm in a pretty good mood for some inexplicable reason. It's hard to predecit it when I'l be in a good mood. There's no sort of...you know, link between the good mood and why I'm in it. maybe it's because I took a vitamin this morning. I also had a pretty good breakfast. haha. i'm a nerd. I dunno, some days I feel really bored and lazy and other days I feel alright. And then SOMe days I feel really spectacular. hmph. go figure. Maybe it's because I finally got to visit with the Mariel this weekend. She really puts me in a good mood, is what it is. I tell you, that girl. What I'd do without her, I dunno. Hey Mariel. Well unfortunately, I really don't have much else to write about. I guess I never do with this life of mine. These are my days, okay?: wake up, have breakfast, come to studio, spend some time on the internet...mull around the studio, do a little bit of drawing, get on the computer, write a blog or something, get lazy and go home. Then at home I just eat and watch DVD's. something I checked out at the library or a netflix thing. UGH. BORING. And even when I'm working I have to constantly get up to go take a piss. I dont know what's the deal with that. I think it's the position I sit in that puts pressure on my bladder or something. it's annoying. I also stop to eat once in a while. To combat the incessant having-to-get-up-to-go-to-the-bathroom I started peeing in a water bottle i kept in my studio. I only did that for a little while until I got disgusted with the idea. As for the eating, I have my sandwich stuff in the fridge. Except I get tired of eating sandwiches everyday. I mostly just eat them to get rid of the hunger. I really dislike being hungry, except for when I really want to eat. I enjoy eating, just not every minute of the day, as my hunger would have it. It never goes away.
Well, the only reason I'm writing this is because I'm taking a break from the art crap and...just need something to do. I read on the internet about this guy who killed a little girl and had blogged about eating her or something. weird. There hasn't been a good old fashioned weird ass killer story lately. I mean that's an insensitve thing to say considering the reality of the situation. But still, haven't heard about any weirdo killer stuff lately. where are all the weirdos at? anyway, I actually looked for this guys blog on the internet just to read what the hell this was all about. I know, I'm a sicko. Also, I have to admit to this bizarre fascination with the mind of a killer. I know I know. I dont get it either. I think that it's because...in some ways and to a certain degree I can understand the psychology of these people. They're always these alienated, shy, socially akward...isolated people who live within themselves and let their deepest darkest thoughts get the best of them. The only thing is that my deepest darkest thoughts usually dont entail killing someone. haha. usually! And I dont think I'd ever let myself go to the point where I'd let myself go TO THE DARK SIDE. but I think that without social interaction, without that affirmation from society that you belong, that you have a place, anyone is capable of acting out their crazy ideas. Everyone has sick crap going on in their heads. It's just that most of us are too busy thinking about other things and interacting socially that we dont have time to think about that stuff. that's why people who aren't good socially, and who are subsequently lonely and isolated...that's when the opportunity presents itself for all these sicko, distinctly human fanatasies manifest themselves. It's like that...the devil makes good use of idle hands saying or whatever it is. Anyway, I think I should have gotten into psychology a little more. Maybe I coulda been a...whatever it is that people who study psychology do. therapist I guess. criminal profiler? who knows. I just get disillusioneeddddd with the art stuff and blah blah, I wont get into that. art. my foot. I've found that going to the library gets me back into it. I see some good books and then I check them out. they dont even have to be art books. and I dont even read them. I just like having them. and I understand the premise enough (of the book) that it gets me a little fired up. hmph. Well...geeze. Like I said, I really wish I was more interesting. but maybe when I start doing something other than this art crap I will be. even that cannibal guys' blog was more interesting.
Well, the only reason I'm writing this is because I'm taking a break from the art crap and...just need something to do. I read on the internet about this guy who killed a little girl and had blogged about eating her or something. weird. There hasn't been a good old fashioned weird ass killer story lately. I mean that's an insensitve thing to say considering the reality of the situation. But still, haven't heard about any weirdo killer stuff lately. where are all the weirdos at? anyway, I actually looked for this guys blog on the internet just to read what the hell this was all about. I know, I'm a sicko. Also, I have to admit to this bizarre fascination with the mind of a killer. I know I know. I dont get it either. I think that it's because...in some ways and to a certain degree I can understand the psychology of these people. They're always these alienated, shy, socially akward...isolated people who live within themselves and let their deepest darkest thoughts get the best of them. The only thing is that my deepest darkest thoughts usually dont entail killing someone. haha. usually! And I dont think I'd ever let myself go to the point where I'd let myself go TO THE DARK SIDE. but I think that without social interaction, without that affirmation from society that you belong, that you have a place, anyone is capable of acting out their crazy ideas. Everyone has sick crap going on in their heads. It's just that most of us are too busy thinking about other things and interacting socially that we dont have time to think about that stuff. that's why people who aren't good socially, and who are subsequently lonely and isolated...that's when the opportunity presents itself for all these sicko, distinctly human fanatasies manifest themselves. It's like that...the devil makes good use of idle hands saying or whatever it is. Anyway, I think I should have gotten into psychology a little more. Maybe I coulda been a...whatever it is that people who study psychology do. therapist I guess. criminal profiler? who knows. I just get disillusioneeddddd with the art stuff and blah blah, I wont get into that. art. my foot. I've found that going to the library gets me back into it. I see some good books and then I check them out. they dont even have to be art books. and I dont even read them. I just like having them. and I understand the premise enough (of the book) that it gets me a little fired up. hmph. Well...geeze. Like I said, I really wish I was more interesting. but maybe when I start doing something other than this art crap I will be. even that cannibal guys' blog was more interesting.
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